Falling into Despair

CHAPTER ONE

    

    I am the type of person to try to be positive when something bad happens. So when my boyfriend, Alexander, told me that his abusive father walked out on him and his mother, I could not help but be elated. Alexander, on the other hand, had very mixed emotions.

    “I just don’t know how to feel about this, Daniella. I mean, I feel great that he’s finally gone, but my mother knew about the abuse, and she didn’t care about it. She just thought that I was old enough to stand up for myself. So now she’s depressed, and all she ever does is cry about how her loving husband left her for someone younger,” Alexander told me. 

    I scrunched my eyebrows, not knowing what to say in the situation. It always takes me a minute or two to think of good advice. After a little while, I threw my hands up in the air. 

    “I don’t know, Alex. I’m sorry.” I say. I can’t offer any comforting words, so I hug my boyfriend. He holds me in a tight embrace, his face buried in the top of my dark colored hair.

    “Wanna hear some good news?” I ask. Alex pulls his face back from my head, grunting. I smile broadly, “I still love you, no matter what happens.” Alex doesn’t respond; he just holds me tighter, and sighs loudly.

    

    A few days later I decide to go visit Alex and his mom, thinking it would be nice to check up on his mom. I ride my bike, mainly because I don’t have a car. I don’t trust them, and the way I see it, car’s are killing machines. It’s not one hundred percent reliable, and a lot of things can go wrong with it. But I am not really worried about it. Alex has been driving me around since we were both freshman.

    His birthday is in December, so he was fifteen in ninth grade, while I was still fourteen. I do not feel the need to drive, because I know Alex and I will be together until the end of time. He tells me every day. I know it’s silly for me to believe that, but for some reason, my brain is listening to my heart, and so my brain believes him. 

    I feel sick to my stomach as I ride into his driveway for I see another car in the driveway. It seems like a nice car, but nothing Alex or his mom would buy. My mind goes back to Alex’s father, and I run up to the door, banging on it as hard as I can. 

    A large man opens the door. He has big muscles all over his body, making me wonder what kind of steroids he’s on. He has short buzzed hair, and a chubby face. I make a face of disgust before I realize what I am going.

    “Aw, come now, what’s that face for, darling?” his voice oozes out of his mouth like sickly sweet honey.

    “Is Alex home?” I ask the man.

    “Your boyfriend? Yeah, he’s here. What do you want with him?”

    I scowl, “Why should I justify my reason to be here?” The man gave a hearty laugh, then moved over to let me in. He patted my rear, causing me to squeal and bounce away from him. I ran to Alex’s room and lightly knock on the door,

    “Go the fuck away,” Alex yells through the door. I frown and swing open the door. Alex lifts his head to look at me,” Oh, sorry, Daniella, I thought you were someone else.”

    “Yeah,” I say, “I can see that. Who is that guy? Why is he here?”

    Alex sighs and sits down on his bed, laying face down in his pillow. I walk over to the side of his bed and flop down on his back. Attempting to be sly, he rolls over, and ends up on top of me. I laugh as he attacks my cheeks with kisses. I don’t know what he sees in me, why he’s dating me. But for whatever the reason, I’m glad I’m with him.

    Once he’s done messing around, I ask him one more time, “Alex, who is that guy that’s here?”

    Alex growls,” My mom’s new boyfriend. She saw him a few days ago at the post office. She was going to mail a letter to my father, asking him to come home.”

    I frowned, “I don’t like him. When I knocked on the door he was looking me up and down, then when I walked in he slapped my butt.”

    “He did what?!” Alex sputtered, face turned a bright shade of red in his anger. I put a hand on his chest, and kissed his cheek. He held me until he calmed down.

    Alex’s anger never scared me. It did not happen often, but it could go really bad really fast, which worries me if I’m not there. One time we were at the mall, and he walked off to use the bathroom. I waited outside for him when two males walked up to me. We had, what started out as, a friendly conversation, but it soon turned sour. One of the men asked me for my phone number, which I denied, saying I had a boyfriend. Then they started to touch me, not in crude places, but soft touches on my shoulders. The other male tried to grab my hand, and when I pulled away he slapped my face. Alex walked out at that time, seeing what just happened. 

    Alex didn’t even say a word, but with all his force, punched the man that slapped me, and he crumpled to the ground passed out. The other male tried to fight with Alex. It looked like an unfair fight, the man, tall and muscular, and my boyfriend tall but scrawny. Seeing him beat up the guys gave me reassurance that he could protect me and himself, but laying here with him gave me another fear. One day he could get mad at me, and if he really wanted to, he could really hurt me.

    Alex let go of me and I put my forehead to his. I playfully poke him in the stomach, but he winced and pulled away. “What’s wrong?” I ask. 

    “Nothing, I just fell earlier.” Alex replied nonchalantly.

I frowned, “Okay, well lemme take a look at it to make sure it isn’t bad-”

“No no no no no. I’m fine, really.” Alex interrupts.

I lift his shirt, and surprisingly does not fight me any more. I wince when I see his torso. It’s littered with purple and blue bruises crawling up to his chest.

“What the hell is this?!” I scream at him. “I thought your father left-.” And then I realized, his father did leave, but his mom’s new boyfriend is here, and he seems shady. “Did your mom’s new boyfriend do this?”

Alex nodded, “Yeah. This was the first time, but I’m sure it’s going to happen again. My mom knows, but she stays loyal. Even though he disrespects her every single day. Every night he leaves and comes back at one-two in the morning, smelling like another woman’s perfume, with lipstick all over his face and body.”

I looked down at my hands in my lap, “Why can’t you stand up for yourself? You stand up for me sometimes.” 

“Yeah, but with you, I have a reason to protect you, I love you. And you don’t deserve to get hurt-”

    “You don’t deserve to get hurt either!” I exclaim. Alex just shakes his head and pulls me onto his lap. I wiggle my butt a little to see that I don’t hurt him. “I love you, and you can’t get hurt. My life ends when yours does.”

    Alex looks at me sadly and mumbles under his breath. My heart clenches when I hear him mumble something along the lines of, “I’ll be gone soon.”